expectation

Blinded by the curiosity
Yet I am too afraid to open my eyes to look
And I’ve closed my ears to block out the words
Just to protect myself incase the truth is something bad.

And so I sit and fester.
Wandering around in my own dark life.
Never finishing anything.

Maybe I’m afraid of the outcome
Or I’m too lazy to do the work.
It’s got to be that.
What else can it be?

I have to stop looking to you for all my answers,
I have to stop expecting perfection from you.
You are a human being.
And I’m sure that your weary soul cannot take much more of my bull shit.

18 April 2000 5:56pm

delicate and tender

I am a rose.
Delicate and tender.
Deep and special.
Many facets.
Many faces.

Tear away what I am not.
The hard cold coat that I carry,
Is not me.
I am hiding beneath it from years ago.

And since then I have let myself go.
Mentally and physically
And I regret every minute
And one should never regret anything.

18 April 2000 6:00pm

untitled

The sun is shining bright today
And I am feeling free.
My strength is leading me forward
And I feel myself progressing.
I feel the happiness inside of me
And I can see my life moving forward.

No longer will this soul be stagnate.
No longer will this heart cry for what was left behind.
Because the future holds so much more.
And I want what lies ahead
More than anything else in life.

Because it is life.

12 July 2000 10:44pm

untitled

You are all I’ll ever want.
You are all I’ll ever need.
You are the only man I will ever love.

With you I have everything
That a heart could ever ask for.
You give me the world.
And make me happy.

And my life wouldn’t be complete
If I couldn’t share it with you.

I will always love you.

5 July 2000

Where has my soul gone?
All I have inside is tears.
So that is why I always fall.

Too caught up in the romance.
Too caught up in the fairy tale is more like it.

My mind wants to fly
My mind wants to run
But not in reality
But in my dreams.

That’s where I always long to be.

And I want to take you with me
And I want you to see the real me
And I want our life together to be perfect and free.

You, so technical.
Me, so simple.

(02.07.99)

life

This springtime
With new arrivals
I feel the newness
Touching me.

I breathe it in,
Taste its sweetness
And plant it’s
Seed in my
Brain.

Loving it.
Nurturing it
It becomes more
Than just a thought.

It becomes who I am
And it reflects in those
Around me.

Through smiles
And words.
It fills the air

And continues to
Travel for miles
Until it’s time
For it to rest
Till next year.

18 April 2000 5:50pm

untitled

The stillness of this night
The wind whispers softly to me the stories of what used to be.
Of men and heroes who camped beneath the boughs of these trees.

Only bits and pieces are decipherable for the wind moves quickly.
Each breeze, a different voice, a different story.

I feel the breeze and I take it within me.
To be released on another day, to another person.
This breeze is my magic, for which I save for certain others
Who turn to me in times of need
To them I give my heart and soul.
To them I give my strength.
To them I teach patience.
And try to show them the way.

21 June 2000